Why It’s Okay to Ditch New Year’s Resolutions (and What to Do Instead)

As the New Year approaches, the pressure to “start fresh” and become a new, improved version of yourself can feel downright overwhelming, especially if you’re someone who already struggles with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or feeling like you’re never enough.

So many of us grew up in families or cultures that praised achievement and hustle over rest and self-compassion. It’s no wonder the idea of setting big, bold resolutions can trigger shame when you can’t stick to them perfectly. The truth is, resolutions work for some people, but they’re not right for everyone, and they don’t have to be right for you.

The Appeal of New Year’s Resolutions

There’s a reason so many people are drawn to resolutions every January. They can offer a powerful sense of hope and possibility: a clean slate, a chance to put the past behind you, and the motivation to pursue goals that matter to you.

• A Fresh Start:

  • The new year can feel like a symbolic turning point — a natural time to reflect on what you want to leave behind and what you want to invite in.

• Motivation & Direction:

  • Goals can give you something to work toward, bringing a sense of purpose, especially during the winter months when motivation can feel low.

• Accountability:

  • Sharing your resolutions with others can create helpful accountability — a gentle push to stay focused and follow through.

The Downside for Perfectionists & People-Pleasers

But here’s the thing: for many of my clients — working moms, cycle-breakers, and those who feel stuck in “never enough” — resolutions can become yet another measure of your worth. They can feed the old story that you need to do more, be better, or fix yourself to deserve rest, joy, or acceptance. Biggest downsides of new years resolutions:

• Unrealistic Pressure:

  • Setting overly ambitious resolutions can pile on pressure, leading to stress, anxiety, and self-criticism when things don’t go perfectly.

• All-or-Nothing Thinking:

  • Perfectionists tend to see slip-ups as total failure. Missing one day at the gym can feel like the whole goal is ruined — so you give up altogether.

• Shame & Disappointment:

  • When resolutions are abandoned (and research shows that most are within a few weeks), it can deepen feelings of shame, inadequacy, and frustration with yourself.

Gentle Alternatives to Resolutions

The good news? There are other ways to reflect, grow, and move into the new year that feel more supportive and sustainable — especially if you’re trying to break the cycle of perfectionism and self-criticism.

• Set Intentions, Not Rules:

  • Instead of rigid resolutions, consider choosing a word, theme, or guiding intention for the year.

    • For example, “ease” or “connection” This approach offers flexibility and focuses on how you want to feel — not just what you want to accomplish.

• Think Smaller & Kinder:

  • Break bigger goals into tiny, realistic steps. Monthly or quarterly goals can feel more achievable than year-long promises. Ask yourself, “What’s the next small thing that would feel good for me?”

• Reflect & Adjust Regularly:

  • Growth isn’t linear. Give yourself permission to check in and adapt.

    • For example, if you decide to shift a goal or path towards a goal, instead of thinking of that as a failure or time wasted try celebrating that you’re listening to what you actually need.

• Focus on Self-Compassion:

  • What would it look like to bring more kindness into how you talk to yourself? When you miss a day or take a step back, remind yourself:

    “I am human. I am enough as I am.”

What Really Matters

At the end of the day, setting goals or intentions is deeply personal. You get to decide what works for you — not what your family, social media, or hustle culture says you should do.

For working moms and cycle-breakers especially, the most radical thing you can do might be giving yourself permission to be imperfect. To rest. To take up space just as you are, without proving your worth through productivity.

If the idea of resolutions feels heavy or anxiety-inducing, you’re not lazy — you’re human. Maybe this is the year you choose to be gentle with yourself instead.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of setting impossible standards and then feeling like you’re never enough, therapy can help. At Insightful Roots Therapy, we help people untangle old patterns of perfectionism, shame, and people-pleasing, so you can step into a new year — and a new chapter — with more self-compassion and freedom.

You’re worthy of rest, growth, and joy — exactly as you are.

If you’re ready to break free from the “never enough” loop, reach out for a free consultation. Let’s find what actually works for you.